Thursday, April 27, 2006

The Death of a Revolution

It's official. Nintendo has decided to dump the "Revolution" moniker for its upcoming next-gen console. The new name, and no I'm not kidding here folks, is "Wii" (pronounced "we"). That's right ... Nintendo wants you to play with its Wii. Oh trust me, it gets worse from here. I've decided to compile a list of Wii jokes/puns/etc. here. Add your own as you see fit.
  • Nintendo should get a licensing deal with Queen. Every commercial will feature the group singing 'Wii Will Rock You' or 'Wii Are the Champions'.
  • Nintendo could instead go another route, spending its entire marketing budget to bring together various musical stars from around the world to record a theme for the new system titled, 'Wii Are The World'.
  • Watch for the following line in the upcoming instruction manual: "Plug your Wii into the nearest outlet"
  • Also from the instruction manual, regarding the motion sensitive controls: "Quickly move your hands to fire your Wii at the screen"
  • If the system launches before its planned street date, expect female gamers to be disappointed that Nintendo's Wii came prematurely.
  • Nintendo execs proudly proclaim "No one will be able to beat our Wii!!"
  • Soon after the system hits, look for Nintendo to announce a redesign with a smaller form factor, dubbed the "Wee Wii".
  • Commenting on the size of its Wii, Nintendo goes on record saying "It's not the size that matters. It's how you use it."
  • "I can't leave just yet. I'm busy playing with my Wii."
  • Trade-ins on the new system pour in, forcing retailers to limit the number of Wiis taken by employees each day.
  • Child Protection Services is suddenly overwhelmed with reports of parents touching their children's Wii.
  • Riots break out as Nintendo fanboys fight over whether they will now be known as Wii Folk or Wii-ners.
  • Nintendo has decided to launch the Wii in two colors, Yellow and Neon Orange.
  • Nintendo teams up with Merv Griffin on a new game show titled "Wiil of Fortune"
  • Local vice squads shut down Nintendo's in-store displays, which invite gamers to "Touch our Wii here"
  • The packaging for the new system will be designed to that it's easy to slip the Wii into and out of the box at any time.

Okay, okay ... I have a LOT more "Wii" jokes, but I need to take off for a bit. Add your own jokes to the list in the meantime. And before I go, I leave you with one parting thought ... if "Wii" was the best name the marketing minds at Nintendo could come up with, what in the heck do you think they REJECTED?

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